Words ABQ Wants to Hear

Words ABQ Wants to Hear

What we'd like to hear from Berry: 'I would like to apologize to Albuquerque for the high crime that plagues us. It’s my fault for destroying a once-great police department. Please forgive me'

Plus: All the Other Things We Know We Won’t Hear

BY DAN KLEIN

Welcome to 2017!

2016 was a tough year, so how could we make 2017 better? How about quotes from local politicians that would be great if spoken in the next 12 months.

Mayor Richard Berry: “I would like to apologize to Albuquerque for the high crime that plagues us. It’s my fault for destroying a once-great police department. Please forgive me.”

Berry to Chief Administrative Officer Rob Perry: “Rob, you don’t deserve that $45,000 per year raise. I am holding you accountable and taking the taxpayers’ money back.”

Berry to businesses on Central Avenue: “I am sorry. I should have listened to you about ART.”

Police Chief Gorden Eden, “I resign. I admit I am way over my head here. I have no clue what I am doing. My appointment wasn’t justified.”

Eden to Assistant Chief Huntsman and the APD command: “Those $12,000 retention bonuses were meant for our cops on the beat. I am taking it from you and giving it to them.”

Chief Administrative Officer Rob Perry, “Silvio (Dell’Angelo): Let’s have dinner, on me. I think we need to put the past behind us. My house, Sunday at 5 p.m.?”

City Councilor Pat Davis: “My comments will be very brief” (greeted with riotous applause).

City Councilor Brad Winter: “I am deeply concerned about the mayor’s plan, and therefore I won’t vote in favor of it.”

City Attorney Jessica Hernandez: “I admit that it has been city policy to deflect, divert and delay when it comes to working with the Department of Justice and the ABQ Free Press Weekly. I am sorry, and I invite Dennis Domrzalski to come to my office and research any public document he wants to see.”

Gov. Susana Martinez at the State of the State speech: “We suck, and I own part of the blame. I am devoting all of my efforts to compromise with the Legislature to move this state forward. I will legalize Marijuana! Piz-zah and weed for everyone!”

Federal monitor James Ginger: “APD has achieved 100 percent of the consent decree. APD command staff are excellent at writing policy. They are very open and honest with my staff. Not!!!”

Citizens Police Oversight Board: “Chief Eden and Mayor Berry are no longer ignoring us! We are working together to make APD great again.”

Albuquerque Police Officers Association President Shawn Willoughby: “I want to thank the mayor and City Council for reinstating retention bonuses for veteran officers. Because of this, no officers retired in 2017, and APD has grown to the 1,000-officer staffing level!”

Any member of the City Council, any member at all: “Mayor Berry, Mr. Perry and Chief Eden, I have no faith in your abilities. Have you looked at Albuquerque? It’s a war zone, and you caused it.”

Gov. Martinez and Mayor Berry: “We are moving forward to build a new, state-of-the-art concert and fairgrounds because Tingley Coliseum stinks, and everyone’s known it for decades.”

Sen. John Arthur Smith: “I am happy to announce that the state budget crisis is over! New Mexico will start focusing on infrastructure repair, and we will use only New Mexico companies and workers!”

Silvio Dell’Angelo: “I had a great time at Rob Perry’s house. He is a gracious host, and we plan on having a Friday date night with the entire City Council.”

Attorney General Hector Balderas: “I have made a decision on the Taser pay-to-play investigation.”

APD’s public records supervisor: “Here are your public records requests, no redactions and, bingo, done within 15 days, like the law says.”

ABQ Free Press Weekly Associate Editor Dennis Domrzalski: “Klein, I really enjoy your phone calls at all hours of the day and night.”

ABQ Free Press Weekly Editor Dan Vukelich: “Klein, you deserve a big raise! I am going to get you that money that Berry is taking from Rob Perry!” [Editor’s note: In your dreams, Klein.]

Dan Klein is a retired Albuquerque police sergeant. Reach him through Facebook.

 

 

 

 

 

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Albuquerque’s definitive alternative newspaper publishing an inquisitive, modern approach to the news and entertainment stories that matter most to New Mexicans. ABQ Free Press’ fresh voice speaks to insightful and involved professionals who care deeply about our community.
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  • Manny
    January 11, 2017, 5:10 pm

    Amen Brother!!

    REPLY
The following two tabs change content below.
Albuquerque’s definitive alternative newspaper publishing an inquisitive, modern approach to the news and entertainment stories that matter most to New Mexicans. ABQ Free Press’ fresh voice speaks to insightful and involved professionals who care deeply about our community.